On the Move, Again!
Sorry I have been MIA the last week. I am moving, again, and unfortunately it's has not been a good experience.
I was told I had until the 15th to relocate, but woke up last Saturday to my roommate screaming, throwing my stuff around and threatening me because I wasn't out yet, even though I have multiple messages where we agreed to the 15th.
It has been a trying time, but I'm not giving up. Thankfully my bestest Darcy came through to help (thank's for being you bae), and I am working through it.
I moved back to MN because I needed some emotional support after all the chaos that happened in the last year. Also, as a disabled single mother, my finances are limited. So when a friend offered to rent me the basement of her home for $500, I agreed and was excited to refocus on myself in my home state and be with my daughter in a safe space.
When I arrived, I was saddened. I knew the basement was unfinished, but didn't know that it also leaked water, had very little light and smelled strongly of mold. This was not an environment I could stay in while trying to heal. I expressed this to my roommate, and told her that I had to look for other housing. She didn't want me to move because she also needed help financially. As a resolution she offered that I switch rooms with her son, whose room was on the main floor, since he was taking off for most of summer to work with his dad. She would also be gone much of the time since she worked in another state, and said Rae could sleep in her room as long as she wasn't home. The situation was not ideal, but we were determined to make it work! A few days before I got back from my road trip I was informed that her son was going to move out and my rent would raise from $500 to $750. With that increase she was going to move into the basement because she was gone so much, and Rae would get the second room on the main floor. Even though this would make things financially tight since I lived off disability, I agreed.
The next day I was told I wouldn't get the extra room, and my rent was still going to increase.
Then the situation took another unexpected turn. My roommate started pushing me to drive for Lyft and to quit pursuing my dreams of being a cannabis health coach and educator. I am pursuing this not only because I love helping others, but because it is imperative I spend a good portion of my time building muscle around my weak joints so I can fight the devastating effects from Ehlers Danlos Syndrome. I must involve myself in daily fitness and find a way to incorporate that into a job. Being stuck in a car for hours a day would not give my body the movement and strengthening it needs to maintain mobility.
Because I didn't want to give up my dream and was pursuing my own health again instead of driving Lyft, she started sending me nasty messages saying I wasn't important, telling me to pay bills I had already paid, and became a full on bully. On July 18th I was informed I was no longer welcome to stay and had to be out by August 15th. She didn't even give me a full 30 days notice, but I agreed and started looking for a new place.
I found another place quickly and was told I would be able to move things in on August 1st by my roommate-to-be. I was excited to have this overlap in time since I was moving mostly on my own and my hand was/is still messed up from the torn ligaments. The first got pushed back, and we agreed the space would be ready the 11th and 12th to start moving things in.
My now ex- roommate came home late last Friday night (the 10th) after being gone a couple weeks, and didn't care it wasn't the 15th yet, she was going to make mine and my daughter's lives hell so we would leave sooner. I had totes and boxes in the living room as I was planning to bring my stuff to the new place the next morning, but then I received a message from my to be new roommate saying the place would not be ready till the 15th. I reiterated to my ex roommate I would be out completely on the 15th, which was the date we agreed to, and to please let me move out in peace.
But that wasn't a good enough solution for her. She continued to harass me and made comments about my belongings in the living room so I decided to move them all to a friends that day. Since I got everything out of the common areas I was hopeful Rae and I would be okay until the 15th as long as we kept to ourselves in our room.
Since Saturday was so stressful, I woke up Sunday determined to have a better day. I participated in rooftop yoga and jumped on the elliptical at my local Y. As I was heading home I received a message from my daughter that read: “Mom ****** just came in the room and said that grandma needs to come and get me because I am not welcome here no more COME BACK NOW PLEASE”. And “Mom, she said she's calling child protective services”. My ex-roommate was now threatening my 11-year-old, terrorizing her. And even though she is an avid cannabis user herself, she was attempting to use my medical cannabis use to hurt me.
I raced home to find my daughter in a pool of sweat and tears because this woman also decided to turn off the electricity (she did this the day before as well) to make it uncomfortable as it was very hot, reaching the high 80’s with a significant amount of humidity. I decided this was a dangerous situation, and even though I didn't have a place lined up for us to go, I spent the next couple hours packing our belongings into my car and Rae and I left for good. As stressful as it is to now be homeless, it felt damn good leaving that house.
I brought my belongings to my storage and Rae and I ended the day floating down the river with smiles on our faces.
At this time I started having second thoughts about the other place I found for various reasons. I also recognize a significant desire to be in a legal state so I can pursue my career in the cannabis industry without fear of prosecution or my family being split up.
I say this because my biological father, Roland has gone to great lengths to do this already and will stop at nothing to continue to hurt me.
I have shared some pretty painful situations that people have asked, how was I able to deal with that? Well, my entire life I have dealt with significant abuse from my father which consisted of him using me as a pawn to hurt my mother, telling me I was worthless amongst other horrible things daily, and instances of physical abuse most notably during periods of his addiction to alcohol and uppers. Through my adult years he has caused great distress through his controlling, angry and manipulative ways still.
Even though this abuse had a great affect on our relationship, and ultimately is what gave me no healthy expectation of love for myself and why I allowed abusive individuals in my life, I still allowed my daughter to have a relationship with him and we decided for Thanksgiving break she would stay with him while I dealt with kicking D.O. out of my home.
When D.O. left, he took my to-be PTSD support puppy, Shiva, a cane corso I had recently purchased. (If you want to read the blog with details of this, click here!) When Raegan came home she was upset that her puppy was gone, went to her school counselor and told them “my mom smokes cannabis around me”. This launched a full CPS investigation against me.
I didn't know it yet, but when she was in Minnesota the week before for Thanksgiving, my father was grooming her. Allowing her to eat junk food and spoiling her with shopping trips, he told her that if she got mad at me to go to her school counselor and tell them I smoke cannabis around her and she could have this life full time with him in Minnesota. So, when she arrived home and saw the dog was gone, she was upset and did just this.
Raegan came home that day and immediately told my friend what she told her school counselor because she felt so guilty. She knew she had lied and now was scared of the repercussions it was going to have. My friend told me immediately and we all had a conversation where Raegan told us Roland had told her to say this while she was in Minnesota the week prior. Because he did this same thing to me as a child to hurt my mother, I knew this was in his gamebook and decided then he would not be allowed to have contact with my daughter without my supervision. I was not going to allow him to hurt my family any more because he was selfish, mentally unstable, lonely and wanted to hurt me.
Thankfully the CPS worker saw through the BS and the case was closed shortly after it was opened.
Roland’s turbulent behavior has gone as far as him recently contacting my ex, D.O. to try and get him to say things in an effort to hurt me. This and past situations make me feel like he will stop at nothing to see me fail and if I stay in this state I am subjecting myself to unnecessary trouble.
I also am having a very difficult time with my anxiety and PTSD due to this. Yes, Minnesota does have a medical program, and I could get a card here to allow for some protection, but patients are subjected to extremely high price liquid suspensions, tasteless vape pens and have no flower options. These and other issues within the program inspired me to speak out for change talking to news stations and congress alike a couple years back. Nothing has since changed and especially due to cost I truly can't afford the program in Minnesota even if I thought the medicine was of value.
Moreover, I don’t care to face the cold Minnesota winters that drastically and negatively impact my health.
For these reasons I have decided to look for housing back in Colorado and am open to possibilities in other legal states. If you or someone you know has affordable housing, please reach out.
Just know things aren’t easy in my world, but I will continue to be relentless in my pursuit of happiness. I will not be pushed from my path that I know is just: sharing my journey, inspiring and educating the world about the positives of cannabis, and how to improve quality of life with a combination therapy of that fitness and nutrition.
As always, thank you for taking the time to read this blog and for your support. I love you all!